I hate this kinda feeling... Yes, Ivan dearie, she's in the past and I am the present. But the drama tat happened b4 he n I got tgt somehow inflicted an impact on why I feel the hurt and insecurity when it comes to her....
Before I got tgt wif W, I was wif T. W was juz someone I click wif and share same interest in most stuff. Feelings grew overtime and I found myself blurring the line of being juz frens. At the same time, things were not working out with T. W was sweet and he din ask for anything in return. He was there for me n I enjoy spending time tgt wif him. I was torn apart b/w the 2. There exist no fairness in Love. I tried to be fair but I cant. So I made my choice. I broke off wif T. Juz when this happened, W told me tat he was in contact wif his ex n he still felt something towards her. So did she. W had the intention of getting back wif her and broke the news to me. I was totally shattered. I know love cnt be forced. I gave him my blessings n be there for him as he tried to win her back. I hold back my tears, my heart breaking pain n be there for him. Trying very hard to remind a gd fren of his.
I tried to keep the dist. It was a torture. One day he juz came telling me he din patch things back wif her cos he kept thinking of me when he was wif her. He cnt be having feelings for both at the same time. So he told her he is not ready to get back wif her. He held my hand n things like turning towards me. But W was indecisive. He told me he could not be wif me cos he still tinks of her n has her in his heart. Wat can I do or say? I cn onli accept the hurt he inflicted on me when I thut he was as much in love wif me as I was wif him. For the 2nd time, he pushed me away. Squeezing me out of his life n went back to her. But tis time, she was afraid of being hurt by his indecisiveness again. She rejected. He was upset n I tried to cheer him up. Stupid of me n yes I nv learn. Stupidly in love wif him n hurting myself in the process.
He told me tat he wish tat he cld forget her n not let me down, someone who loves him so deeply. 我也只能苦笑...
Came a day he told me he finally made up his mind n wants to e wif me. Pushing her out of his mind. I was afraid. I rejected him. Being hurt twice is devastating enuff n definately put me in a cave, unwilling to come out. He was persistant. On the fourth time, I agreed, but still wif reservations.
Since the day we got tgt, there isn't a day I dun live in fear tat all these I hav now will suddenly disappear like b4.
It's natural for a ger to feel extra discomfort towards the ex but for my case, it's worse ba. I hate tat feeling but I cnt ignore it or simply let it go. The fear stays. The hurt heals but the scar reminds.....
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