Happy 4th Month!!

Today marks our 4th month of togetherness :) Little hiccups along the way but we managed to overcome them and kiss and makeup :) It's oso thr these little arguments which makes us understand each other better and grow closer together.

Through better or worse, I will still love you, my darling baby oskie :) MUACKZ! Happy 4th Month!

I'm so glad

Something juz strike me. I'm so glad that Mr Ex is totally out of my life. Somehow, I felt so disgusted by the thut tat I even know such a person n we even with this kind of person. It makes me sick. Personally, I hate liars n pretenders. He is both. How can I be so blinded by his false outlook and be hypnotized by his sweet nothings. It's really so silly of me n yet got so upset n cui over the breakup. He's definitely not worth it. He's someone I wished I have had never met or known. Thinking back, he did not love me for who I am n what I am. He juz wan to mould me to what I am not. To suit himself n want me to accommodate. I become no longer myself. Losing myself in the r/s. This is worse thing to happen to anyone. I only realized this fact now. Later, he realized he could not change me to what he wants me to be, so he left. I so glad he did. So I can find back myself n found my gem in the rubbish dump. That's my sweet Oskie.

Bb Oskie can be a bit blocked head at times but he's real. Not pretending to be nice. He is just being himself. He loves me for who I am and what I am. I am so much happier now. I'm immersing in my simple blissfulness. All thanks to my darling Bb. Muackz!

Drawer of Memories...

I have a little drawer which I keep all sorts of stuff... Well, Bb showed me his 'Box of Secrets' today and it triggered me to take a stroll down memory lane by opening my 'Drawer of Memories'. Really have lots of stuff inside. Hahaha... kind of interesting to read thr the old letters, cards n stuff... The memories stretched as far back as 20 yrs ago? Haha... That's y I'm Grungie.

Not only stuff from my past relationships, but also stuff from my cuzzies, frens and little rascals I used to take care of at the Childcare centre :) Some I dun even rem them (I'm so so so so sorry I've forgotten who u r :( )

There's this little story which I wanna share with my readers... It took place more than 10 yrs ago... Now thinking of it I juz smile... The 男主角 let's call him W ba. I know W when I was 13. He was 3 yrs my senior in school. He's juz like a sweet elder bro n takes gd care of us juniors. He grad den left the school. We were all sad but that's part n parcel of life isn't it? Well, like in those 偶像剧, W n I meet at my relative's wedding... My distant auntie's husband is an officer and W happened to be an officer during NS. So he was present at the wedding for the army style march-in stuff. We exchanged numbers and things started from there...

He's a signed-on officer. We chatted on the phone and he invited me to attend some kind of dinner for his army. I wanted so much to go but my mum is really strict with me that I have curfew at 9pm. I didn't get to go. I was only 16/17 den.

天意弄人。He left SG to UK to further his studies. My heart shattered. I could sense that he felt something for me too. But we were both very young n 'gong-gong' back den. We communicate thr emails n letters. I still rem my JC classmates still teased me abt 'London Boy'. That's the nick they gave W. Haha. He came back during his term break and we meet up. Den left again. Still I didn't have the courage to confess to him that I like him.

I did a very silly thing. From the day he first left SG to UK, I started folding one paper crane each day with the date and a little msg written inside. Planning that by the time the bottle gets filled up, he wld be back n I could give it to him.

One of his term break, he came back to SG again. As usual we met up. He bought me a piggy bank. He said, "Put a $2 note in it everyday. And by the time I come back next time, I will bring u to UK for holiday with me."

Me, "Really?? What if it's not enough??"

W, "Nvm, I will top up the balance for you :)"

Happily I took the piggy bank and religiously 'donating' money to it everyday. We got caught up with life n we email lesser n write even lesser... The piggy bank was filled up but I nv got to see him again...

The bottle of cranes is still there, sitting on my shelf, waiting for the 'owner' which is nowhere to be found...

Theme Song

Every couple has their themed song. Once heard, you will think of your that special other half. This song touched me when he sang it to me. I teared. Now, whenever the past creeps into me, I listen to this song and it eases my sorrows and pain. Thanks Bb for being here for me now.



I was feeling emo again. Yes, I'm an emo kid. Seeing the posts on Facebook of my frens getting married triggered memories in me. The past juz come back in waves n hit me. So I backside itchy and went to view my wedding montage which I did back then. I teared. I juz got drowned in the memories n tears. Den I played this song. What's in the past is juz a memory. What lies ahead is the more important. We learnt from our experiences and moved on.

So what is your theme song?

Irritating Fxxkers!

Some ppl juz LOVE to gossip and as if it will kill them if they dun. IF it's like teasing and stuff for the fun of it is perfectly fine. But spreading rumors n making sarcastic comments when they dunno the whole story r plain irritating.

Yes, I'm still on MC till 14 Dec. Going back to office to work on 15 Dec. So u question me why I still can go out meet my frens for makan sessions n drink? Well, I travel ard on cab or my bf drives. Seldom do I take public transport cos I wldnt get to rest my knee n the jerking of the buses n trains creates stress on my knee. If the distance is short, I still can tahan abit. I go there, makan is sit down. Drink oso sit down. I dun stress my injury. Of cos I can work. Tat's y I'm working from home. Checking emails n doing what I can at home. It's the traveling to n fro office + the walking in office which my knee cannot tahan. Imagine the peak hour crowd. Normal ppl already cnt tahan liao, what's more I can only rely on one leg for support. U tink is shiok? Go break ur leg n be on long MC too. U see shiok anot nor.

Some random thoughts....

It's all cobwebs and dust at my blog. Haha... Thanks to my lazy virus, I haven got the motivation to start writing anything. Everyday juz eat n slp at home. Heehee.. It's gonna be piggy days for the next one month as my MC is extended till 14 Dec :P

Wanna blog abt my Baby Oskie whom I found in the rubbish bin. Haha. He's not the most yan dao, neither is the most hunky guy among my ex. But he's definitely the sweetest and the one who loves me most. Followers of my blog all should know that my love life is not smooth sailing. Heartaches are my close frens when it comes to matters of the heart. Getting rejected and dumped are nothing new to me. I'm afraid to love cos everything I get hurt real bad. 总是被伤得体无完肤。I prayed for a simple life, a simple man, a simple love. And finally, my prayer has been answered. He's not fanciful in his words nor his actions. He loves me in his simple way.

I dunno how to describe in words. It's being felt with the heart. I know he's true. Everytime something good happens to me in a relationship, I will have the fear that one day, it might just turn out to be a dream. (which happens everytime :( ) But this time, I know he's here to stay. I'm juz afraid that I might hurt him. With my excess baggages from past relationships, lousy temper and not-so-simple demands. I know I can be a real pampered princess at times (ok most of the times, I can see u guys yelling in disagreement...), but I can be a real nice, sweet gf too.

Thank you for loving me baby. Thanks for accepting me for who I am and what I am. Thanks for being there.

Freak Accident

It all started with a freak accident during netball last Thursday. I din land properly when I tried to jump and catch the ball.... and tore my ACL. sigh...

Went to CGH amd the doc says it's nothing serious. Gave me MC till Mon and ask me to rest at home. But it din get better. Bruises started to form and my whole leg swollen :( Went to see the doc near my house and was referred to the specialist at CGH. Guess what? The appt was scheduled 3 weeks later!!

I went back to CGH A&E in hope of pushing the appt date forward. BUT they told me, the bone is not broken. So according to SOP, I hav to wait 3 weeks! So there's nothing much I can do abt it....I din mean to shout at the doc but I was damn pissed. I can hardly walk and the discomfort and pain is irritating me! I checked with my insurance agent, my insurance is covered for pte clinic. So my Kor drove me down to Raffles Hospital. It was already 11pm+. Immediately, the doc there preliminary concluded there's ligament tear. So arranged for MRI the very night.

The bill nearly made me faint. Lucky thing is, I'm covered under insurance!!! It was confirmed. I had an ACL tear. Completely torn.

They arranged for me to see the specialist the VERY NEXT DAY!!! I'm at RAFFLES. As long as u hav money, anything can be done.

So I went to the specialist and he said I need an operation. Otherwise, no more sports for me. Of cos, I choose to go ahead with the ops! I cnt dun do anymore sports!!!

This is the bill which made my heart stopped!! If I wasn't covered under insurance..... I have to forked out 17K in CASH!!! Gosh!!! But at least, I get to operate my knee next Wed. Instead of waiting for 3 weeks to see a specialist and another 3 weeks to ops. That's 1.5mths!!!!

The bad thing is, I need to pay for the bills first den make a claim. Where to find such money?? Thank God, my darling Kor helped me out. But he was worried cnt claim. Hahaha.... So I made numerous calls n smses to my agent to confirm, double confirm, triple confirm.... making such I can claim for every cent of it.

So guys, if u r into sports like I do, u never know when shit gng to happen to u. So get urself insured like I did (make such includes pte hospital coverage!). If not, the bill can really kill u. Or the the wait can kill u too!! hahaha!!! Check out with ur insurance agent today on ur coverage!! If u dont have one, I can intro u my agent. I must really thank him for introducing such a comprehensive coverage plan for me.

Another person I wanna thank is my Kor! Who brought me to CGH den to RH on Tue. Pushing me on wheelchair to look for supper in the middle of the night, which he ended up hav to run n push me back to RH when the nurse found us missing!! LOL~ Rare and exciting experience :P Also to thank him to help me settle the bill first :) Thanks Kor!!!

I also wanna thank my darling bf who accom me to see doc last Thu and the specialist yest. The TLC he had been showering me with these few days is greatly appreciated. Being there for me and taking care of me. I know he cannot be wif me 24/7 but I know if he can, he will. Bb, I can never thank u enuff :)

Need to thank Keith Kor too!! For coming all the way to my house and bring me to go see the doc near my house on Mon. Glad he enjoyed the dive trip. On my behalf.

Of cos, not forgetting the rest of my family members, Ohana and precious frens who had shown me care and concern over smses, phonecalls and FB. I appreciate all your gestures from the bottom of my heart :) Thanks everyone!!

忘了

我忘了你 眼里的温柔
我忘了你 嘴角的微笑
我忘了你 手心的温度
我忘了你 身上的香气
我忘了你 拥抱的温度
不是我忘了
是不想再记起了

It's a lie!

Every start of a relationship, it's a bed of roses. Beautiful, sweet, immerse in blissfulness... Promises are made. Holding close to your heart, believing everything said and promises will stay true...

As time goes by, things changed, people changed, feelings changed. Initial passion was lost. Instead of sweet nothings being whispered to the ears, it's shouting n endless quarrelling. The bed of roses withered to thorns...

You said you loved me. So it's nothing but a lie?

You said you'll nv leave me, is that a lie too?

You said we are meant to be together, but now you are leaving. So you lied?

You said.....

It wasn't a lie when he/she made that promise. It's really the truth and it came from the heart. It's only true at that very moment when it was been said. Thereafter, nobody can guarantee how much truth it has in it. Dun say tat it's a lie. It wasn't. So believe it when he/she tells u that. At least when it was been said...

纪恋毅

平静的海浪
吹起愁思幽幽
淡淡的微笑
掀起梦影重重
亿万的不舍
不敌一声别离
朦胧的未来
有负一片痴心
浓浓的爱意
遗憾竟成定局
宁静的夜里
心碎泛起漣漪

七月初七七巧节

在一年前的七巧节..... 我写了这首诗...

海风吹乱了你的头发
宁静的夜里
我们听到了让人平静的海浪声
你说你爱大海
我淡淡地微笑着
你说你怕这一切只是梦幻
我无法将分手说出口
虽然心里亿万个不愿意
但看不见未来的爱
我没有勇气面对
原谅我的自私
不是我不爱了只是我无法再爱了
宁静的夜里
我们听到了彼此心碎的声音

Why choose to leave when you cannot let go?

There are simply too many breakups around me lately. Including myself is a victim of this breakup hurricane. When I think Mr Ex's reason is lame, and feel really 'bu gan yuan' over it, I heard others who are worse off. Somehow it made me felt better?

This gf of mine, her mum juz passed away. The bf went MIA. She called him the day b4 her mum passed away and asked him to accompany her to the hospital to see her mum one last time and she need his support. He refused. The only reason he gave was, "I just don't feel like it. Don't force me." After that he went MIA. *poof* simply disappeared! He didn't pick up her calls, didn't reply her smses... Even when mutual frens ask him to attend the wake, he said he's not free. What kind of bf is this? Left without a word when she was at her lowest. Some guys are really bas*ards!

A guy fren of mine, his gf left him and got attached to another guy. But she's still be affected by how he feels and what he posts on FB. His comments make her feel hurt. If you choose to leave den leave. Why still some and stir up the emotions making my fren feel that there's hope? Bringing him thr a roller coaster ride. I've been thr the roller coaster, I know how terrible it feels. It's not easy to stand up again and move on.

I am moving on with my life. Though I'm like a toddler learning how to walk now, I know I will be able to run, jump and hop in time to come. Sometimes, I feel that he's the one who hasn't got over it. Still having the perception that I still feel for him and want us to be back together. Delibrately wanting to keep a distance, talking like as though I owe him de. Wanting me to hate him. Why should I hate him? Hating someone is tiring. Having no feelings towards the person is best way out. I no longer feel the love, neither do I feel hatred. My emptiness is the lack of a companion. Someone to be there for me. It's different from a fren being there. I don't know how to explain the difference. It's a special feel.

Feel the warmth of My Family

Spent my weekend back at Grandpa's. Grandpa was shocked to see me. Hahaha... Cos he wasn't expecting I will be there. He even called my mum to tell her that I was there! Hahaha... So cute... He tinks I ran away from home n my mum didn't know I was there? keke... I shld go back more often to see him. He has really aged so much. Sometimes I cannot make out the words he was saying. But he still can cook dinner for us :) Though it was not fantastic and have lobster or what, it's the love tat I could feel from his cooking. How much he dotes on us although he nv say it to us.

Enjoyed myself there and I thought about a lot of stuff over the weekend. I have put down the unhappy relationship and moved on. Occasionally he still pops into my head but I brush him away the moment he pops out. I told Ivan dearie, maybe it's not bcos I'm missing the person, I'm missing the life I used to have. The routine. I enjoyed going to the gym but bcos he's no longer ard, I have no one to go with me. I felt the sense of lost. But when I went with frens who gyms too, I will not feel tat sense of emptiness?

Having a partner is to have a companion. That's why usually ppl go for those with similar interest so they can do stuff tgt. Enjoying the company and making wat u enjoy doing even more enjoyable. That's why one feels happier when doing the same thing wif their partner than wif others. Since he dunno how to treasure what we used to have, I dont see the point of still holding on. Thanks for introducing me to gym and diving. I love them to bits, esp diving...

Back to my trip back, here's some of the pics :) Din really take much cos I had 3 pimples on my face!! UGLY!!

Ivan Dearie with his mini curry chicken. LOL~ Kanna chop!! RM8 for this!!!

See the diff between my mini pot fish soup and his curry chicken??

Ivan ask me to buy this for Keith Kor. My first reaction was 贱人! LOL~ Den he says, "Why you so bad... I meant 宅男..." hahahaha... like REAL!

J.POPs baby donuts!! They taste gooooood!!!

My happy driver for the trip :D See he so happy!! Cos I talk lots of craps to make him laugh! hahaha!!!

Brought my 小妖怪 back. Hugging him all the way to n fro :)

I was craving for jap food so we went for sushi high tea at BP Mall :D

These 2 little rascals can really eat lo! Esp the elder sis!! Ate more than I do!!!

I love my Ohana. They never fail to cheer me up at my lowest and be there when I needed them. Love them all!! HUGZ!

失恋的季节

这是孤单的心事
我要有快乐的情事
你的微笑还是那么的真实

空气中有你的气息
那难忘的香气
在我脑海里盘旋不肯散去

想你是临睡前的习惯
心痛是我存在的证明
睁开眼一切化为烟影

New Addition - Bluey

Appreciate someone's efforts in trying to make me smile. Thank you so much :)

This is from Germany. Cannot be found in SG hor!

Now my bed is filled with LOVE!!! Where do I sleep now??

Meet Bluey :) He gave me this too! I'm not a fan of Disney stuff but still I really appreciate it :) At least he din get me something PINK! haha!

It's certain is a blessing to have someone to shower u with care and concern. Knowing that there's still ppl who care n wan u to be well n happy. But do take it slowly and don't scare me away... Too aggressive will make me want to run n hide. Take it slow n let nature takes its course :)

Sunny Sunday

Nope, I'm not emo by posting tat song. It's juz a nice song I came across :) The weather is sunny today. Scheduled to go gym den go for a run at ECP. Healthy Sunday :D Read at my cuzzie's blog, "Life's too short to brood over a failed relationship." Yes I agree. Brooding over a failed relationship only makes our short life miserable. As if it's not miserable enough! LOL~ Filling up my time with stuff I enjoy doing. I no longer have to check his schedule so I can plan mine. I do things as and when I wanted to. It's a different kind of happiness ba.

Like what Kor said, when I can listen to those meaningful n sad songs n no longer feel emo, I'm on my road to recovery. They are only nice songs which no longer makes me emo. I forced myself to listen to those songs n get myself immune to them. Like I make myself go bang the wall times n again until I get immune to everything he does n says. It's not that the wound has heal n stop bleeding, it's my heart has gained the immunity.

藍又時 孤單心事

When Mr Right comes at the wrong time

Extracted this online. Well, have you met that person but onli to realise your lost when it's too late? Dun let the person slip thr your fingers. Cherish.

When Mr Right comes at the wrong time- Janice Wong, ST, 31 Jan 2005

Timing is everything, even in love. And when you are not ready to commit, you could end up regretting it
By Janice Wong

SOMETIMES, timing rather than love decides who we end up being with - or without.

Only some lucky people marry the loves of their lives. The rest marry the most suitable person who comes along when they are ready to settle down.

A friend in his 20s came to this conclusion after confiding in me that he had recently met a woman who is more attractive than his wife, and so occupies his thoughts more often than his wife does.

'If only I had met her before I got married,' he said wistfully.

But I think even if the love of one's life appears when one is single, one may not be in the right frame of mind to recognise him or her as such.

And then love passes by.

Life is littered with near misses and lost opportunities.

I attended my ex-boyfriend's wedding last month, which triggered many memories.

We met five years ago when I was 23 and he 31. It was love at first sight.

He had an established career, was down-to-earth and steadfastly religious.

I was then working as an air stewardess and my head was - literally and metaphorically - in the clouds.

I was also - well, let's put it this way - not religious.

Despite our differences, we were soulmates. We had the same quirky sense of humour and shared long, intense overnight conversations.

But human nature is perverse. When someone is excessively nice to us, we start taking things for granted, instead of appreciating them even more.

My ex sent me to the airport, fixed my PC, reminded me to take health supplements - and go to church.

He had everything I could want in a husband - except that I was not looking for one. A boyfriend was all I could cope with then.

I loved fast cars, danced wildly at Zouk and took off on shopping holidays at a whim. My life revolved around I, me and myself.

In the six months that we were together, he popped the question several times and talked ad nauseam about having children. He wanted us to enrol for a Christian marriage preparation course.

Yes, I did often fantasise about a Vera Wang wedding gown, but I was at that stage of my life when I was more interested in Guess than Baby Guess.

And where - dare I admit it? - I still wanted to meet other men.

So I was a 23-year-old with the emotional maturity of a 13-year-old. Responsibility? Wasn't that for adults?

In short, I met Mr Right at the wrong time.

The more he talked about marriage and religion, the more I felt pressured and the more pressured I felt, the more irritable I became.

I was too impatient to compromise. Every trivial matter blew up as a big deal. My mood obliterated the good in our relationship and reached a point where I just wanted out.

He was heartbroken; I was sad but relieved. He still called me regularly, beseeching me to change my mind.

The calls stopped finally after a year. Now and then, we say 'Hi' via e-mail.

I had a few painful relationships after that. Served me right, as those rude wake-up calls were necessary for me to realise the meaninglessness of my hedonistic high life.

I missed the tenderness of my ex and began having second thoughts.

Perhaps I also felt more urgency to find someone marriageable before my biological clock reached zero hour. It dawned on me that I am not a pixie like Peter Pan who can flit around forever. One day, I'd wake up sick and alone when my fair weather friends flit away.

But I was too proud and too unsure of my ex's reaction to call him until last year.

The first thing he told me excitedly was that he had found The One. My heart tumbled to my feet. So, that's Fate.

If only I could turn back time. If only I had met him later. If only... what feeble words.

These days, I am more circumspect. I have come to terms with my loss. There is nothing I can do about timing, but I can do everything about my choices.

Sometimes, when the nights get lonely, I toy with the idea of marrying a platonic friend of mine, who often assures me earnestly that, if the worst comes to the worst, he'd be willing to marry me.

But I always dismiss that. I have already made one mistake. I should not make another by settling for second best merely for the sake of getting hitched - only to regret it soon after, as the guy who confided in me did.

Hopefully, the best is not over but yet to be.

How many times has Mr/Ms Right come into your life, but at the wrong time?

Nightmare

Finally got to sleep earlier last night but end up having nightmare n kept me up. Sickening... Today end up waking up like zombie again :( The first thing I thut of when I woke up from the nightmare was to call Mr Ex. But I know I shldn't and I dun wanna disturb him. He's not my Baobei who will be there to talk to me n ease my fear n coax me back to sleep. Why go bang myself in the wall when I can clearly see it there?

Mr Ex went into crazy mode again yest b4 gym. He dun even wan to remind frens wif me. I no longer tries to talk to him in getting back together, I juz wan to be fren. Why does he has to be so difficult? I dun wanna lose a fren, esp one which I treat as close fren. It's upsetting to know ur close fren dun wanna be ur fren anymore. He tinks tat I'm upset bcos I still feel for him. But tat's not e case. If any of my close fren choose to end our friendship, I'll be equally hurt n upset too. He tried to make me pissed but I don't.

After all those nasty words like I'm like pest n he detest me, etc... He still pass me a packet of milo to drink b4 gym =.=" He still told me to be careful when I go for my run after gym as it rained last night n the road is slippery =.=" When I left gym, he asked me to be careful on my way home =.=" If he juz be like this n be a gd fren, we will not hav to go thr tat hurting episode lo. Somehow, I'm starting to get used to his erratic behaviour. I dunno when he's gng to go bonkers again. I hope he wakes up from I-still-have-feelings-for-him idea and be a true fren to me.

After gym, I met someone dear to me for dinner. It was really a rare occasion. I hope there'll be more of such meet ups in future. I appreciate the stuff he shared with me during dinner and I shared mine with him. He told me that, "我已经很久没有真正的开心过了..." It breaks my heart to hear him said that. Where was I when he needed someone. I'm glad he talked to me last night. I told him, sometimes we dun hav to be so logical. We need to be a little bit illogical and follow the heart. Even if it fails, at least u had tried and not regret later wishing u could hav done something back then. Sometimes, u juz need to f*ck care and go for what u want. Life is a never ending learning journey. There are many grey areas with no definite right or wrong. If u tink u haven done gd enuff this time, do it better the next time round. Dun live in a life full or regrets. Regretting things u have or have not done. Juz move on n make sure u do it better the next time. Everything happens for a reason. To make us learn n to make us stronger. It's inevitable u'll go thr some emotional struggles initially. Once u hav sort out ur thuts, u r ready to set out for another journey in life to experience n to learn.

Cherish what you have and learn to appreciate little things in life. Some ppl we can nv forget. It doesn't mean we hav not let go. They were once part of our lives n we thank them for the wonderful memories they had given us. Think back n smile. At least, we were once each other's angel of happiness.

Despicable Me

Finally got to watch the movie!! YEAH!! Thanks Dear for keeping me company :) I dunno since when we started calling each other Dear. It was a long long time ago... this dear fren of mine though we seldom meet up but he's seems to appear almost everytime to see my ugliest, emo state. Hahaha... I really appreciate his company yest and I felt so much better n happier. This happiness lasted until now I still feel happy :D Dear sms me this morning to check on how I am. I smiled. Thanks for ur concern. It's very much appreciated.

The movie is sooooooo cute n funnie!! I LOVE IT! hahaha.... it's sooo awww.... I love the Minion!!! So so so so CUTE n simply irresistible! I wish I have one minion too!! hee =D Try this! http://www.miniondominion.com/

I asked Dear how long he has been courting this girl. He said 3 years. I'm like HUH??!! Now still got someone like u ah? Court for 3 yrs still nv give up. Salute! He told me that he's not the kind who will one shot throw in everything n court the girl. He believes in 细水长流. How he is treating her now will be how she'll be treated if she becomes his gf or even better than now. Unlike most guys, they court u like mad den the flame died off fast too. So would u rather have a slow n 细水长流 rs or those passionate kind of love which comes n goes fast? Though being 细水长流 can get much lesser excitement but it's for the long run. Well, makes sense. I agree. What for having a rs which u got so madly in love in the beginning and it cools off as fast as it got heated up. Nah. Not for me. As I always emphasise, Simple is Beauty.

Right now, I juz want to stay focused on clearing my work n Sep AOWD course! I cant wait to dive in the deep blue sea again!! I miss it, badly... Even if I hav to go alone on this trip, I hav the blue blue sea n beautiful creatures with me under the sea. It's not him tat matters.

On the Verge...

I'm starting to lose control over my emotions again. It's tearing me apart. I wish it could juz kill me n spare me the agony of a slow death.

Why would someone want to pull himself away when he has feelings for the person? Leaving bcos of cant cope with work, studies n rs? Rubbish. Or bcos he dun wan to be selfish n let the girl wait n like wasting her time n deprive her of opportunities of meeting someone better? This is not noble at all too. I believe in love overcome all hurdles n difficulties the couple face. They face the future together n not do such silly things. I believe in working hard together to build up the future together. When things come too easy, ppl dunno how to appreciate n cherish. After going thr' so much, I simply cnt understand how he can put everything behind. I'm willing to wait. I wan to be there to hold his hand n pull thr' this difficult time together. I dun wan him to go thr the stress n pressure alone. I wan to be there to share the burden wif him. Why cant he see that? 当两个人在一起是, 不快乐是减半, 快乐是加倍! WHY CANT HE SEE THAT HE'S THE BEST FOR ME & I WANT NOBODY ELSE? I dun care what other ppl say, I know what I need and how I feel. I really really really wish that he'll be here by my side again... Cos I love him...

我喜欢(不,我爱)

嚴爵-我喜歡(不，我愛)

我喜欢你的眼
看着我的眼
我喜欢你的脸
贴著我的脸
我喜欢你的手
牵著我的手
我喜欢你的口
吻著我的口

*时间在改变
你不要改变

Chorus
因为我很爱你
不想要你放弃爱情
尤其这段得来不易
我爱你 真的是很爱你
所以想
就这样继续爱下去

This is a new song I heard at KTV when I went KTV with my cousins and Sing's fren yest. Really nice song. I love it the first time I heard it. They chased me out of the hse yest so I will not emo on my own on a rainy day thinking of him. I miss him badly yest and wanted to sms him so much but... haiz....

My cuzzie wrote this on his FB status, "下雨天，心易碎。越思念，越感伤。只想知道远处的你是否过得好，此刻若想起了我会有什么感受？There seems to be more broken hearts on raining days. As one misses another, the hurt deepens. I wonder if you're getting on fine & if think of me, how would you be feeling?"

It really describes how I felt yest. The pain I'm feeling is so intense. The pain is back again n in folds. This is simply driving me crazy! The downtime I can keep myself sane n conc on other stuff is getting shorter. Ppl ard me dun wanna see me like this. I dun wanna be like this but it's so freaking difficult! I feel like shit. Totally sucky feeling...

Silly Girl

It's raining and raining none stop. Such a stupid weather making me all emo again n miss him even more. I miss my Baobei, not the current him (Mr Ex). No point in smsing Mr Ex to say "I miss u" cos he's not my Baobei, the one I'm missing. Sigh...

Almost everyone tells me I deserves someone better. Only 2 told me to give him some time. He's juz feeling lost now. I know who is the best for me and if he's not here, I cant be possibly settle for a 2nd best. It will not be fair to the person as I cant give him my heart. Someone once told me, to maintain a rs, the guy has to love the girl whole heartedly but the she may not need to love the guy, she juz need to understand him. I don't agree. Love has to be mutual. Otherwise the party always loving will suffer. Will this still be a blissful picture to look at? That's why I dont see the point in asking him to stay anymore. It's not going to be blissful anyway. Though I'm not any happier this way now, at least, I let him be happier. Someone is better off rather than both suffer together.

Very very long ago, I read this and I truly believe,

"If you really love the person,
Set him/her free.
If he/she comes back,
Then he/she is yours.
If not,
then Love was not meant to be."

If he comes back, I know we can walk a long long way together n find happiness together. If not, then we were juz there to help each other learn n grow in this life journey. Juz a chapter in each others' life. Despite saying all these, I will still not opening up for rs. As much as I hate being alone, I hate to go thr another heartache. I dont want to take the risk.

No more Downtime

Gym last night was great. The awkwardness is lesser n I dun feel the tension bw us. As I posted yest, to me, he's no longer the man I love. He's juz a fren. The man tat I love is from the past. Not the HIM now. Somehow having this 'differentiation' I made myself happier. Yes, I'm still sad abt the fact that the man I love most is gone but he forever lives in my heart. I managed to self therapy and make myself feeling happy everyday. It cant be compared to the wonderful times I have had wif him, at least, I'm no longer emo n teary.

Well, Mr Ex kept his promise to remind as frens. I went over to his place at CCK to change before heading to CCK gym. I was greeted with a glass of soya milk when I came out from the toilet. After gym we din have dnr as he's meeting a fren to go run n I have to head home. We went back to his place to get my stuff n he poured me a glass of milk. When I got home n showered, a sms came in. It was from him to ask whether have I reached home. He was the person I least expected to receive a sms from. I told Kor abt all these, he said I 暗爽 right? I told him, "No, I don't. In fact I dun feel anything." I really din feel anything. He pass the drinks to me I juz drink. He sms den I juz reply. Have I lost the love I have had for him? Well, the love I had is still there but not for the current him. The current him, I feel nothing. 我们只是朋友.

To that someone, I know he dun read my blog but I really dunno how to tell this to him, please dun do anything more for me. I cannot accept. Thank you for your care n concern but I really 担当不起. U'll find someone who will accept n gladly return ur love. That girl is not me. I cannot love another. I no longer have a heart. So I have no heart to give anyone or to have anyone in my heart. I can only say, "I really appreciate what you have done for me but I'm not the one for you."

Smile!

Feeling a lot better today. No more emo. The man tat I love is gone forever and nv will be back again. The him I see now is not the man tat I love. He's juz a normal fren to me now. I dun have the urge to want to hug him or even to hold his hand when I see him today. Finally :D The man I love is dead and I buried my heart along with him. No one and I really mean NO ONE will hav access to it. Please leave my heart alone to be with him. Please do not disturb.

***

AN & LSP juz made my day today :D I was shivering like mad this morning! Guess I have lost too much fats to keep myself warm ba. She saw my fingers trembling when I was typing. She told me to put on 2 jackets n go warm myself with the hand dryer. I look like an Eskimo now =.=" den she was telling LSP this,

AN: 你看她冷到这样!

LSP: 哈哈! 因为她没有 fats to keep her warm mah.

AN: 对啦! 你看她瘦到这样, 那里还有 fats?

hehehe :D 听了都爽!

Random

I hate the Gym at Redhill. Old, crowded n unfriendly patrons. Not gng to go back there ever again! It's a normal sight we need to queue up and share the machine if the machine is in high demand. But this idiot n his frens juz kept rotating to do their routine n heck care abt others who r waiting in line to use it! KNS! When approached them to ask whether can share the machine, tat idiotic fella says, "NO! Waiti till we fin our sets!" I'm like WTF! You dun freaking own the Gym lo. U wan to be selfish n hav it to urself, go get one on ur own! U r juz paying $2.50 per Gym session n u act like wat, u the BOSS?? Made me damn pissed. This nv happened to me when I was at other Gyms.

The machines there were old too n I dun really like them. There's no stadium for me to run n the place is too ulu for me to run outside, end up I ran on the threadmill. The stupid threadmill is placed facing the mirror. So when u run, u look at urself in the mirror! Made me feel so 'argh!' Seriously, I dun enjoy looking at myself in the mirror n run lo....

The weighing machine is not working too...

In conclusion, I dislike this Gym. I still prefer CCK Gym. Spacious, friendly ppl (some even offered to correct my posture n give me tips!), nice new equipment n the threadmill faces the swimming pool.... So when I lazy to run outside, at least I can run on the threadmill n watch ppl swim. HAHAHA!

Told Mr Ex I really juz treat him as a close fren now. I admit I still feel for him but I know everything's over. I still love him. I'm willing to let him go. As long as he is happier. He says he feels awkward seeing me cos he knows I still feel for him. I told him, juz treat as I don't n let the awkwardness go. Keeping him as a fren will go a longer way than having him as a bf. Friendships are usu more lasting, at least I know he'll still be there. I'm already contented. 爱不需要占有, 我只要他开心就好. 偶尔想起以前与他的种种, 心还是会隐隐做痛. 时间会来帮我的忙, 慢慢带走我的伤痛.

True love is not what I seek.

I have buried my heart where no one can reach.

***

Why do people have to lie? Their intention may be good but I still feel that it's better to tell the truth than you lie. Here's an example:

Guy: I'm meeting my sec sch frens tonight for dinner n juz chill.

Gal: Oh ok, so where r u peeps gng?

Guy: Dunno yet haven decide.

Gal: Oh. So u all meet up first den decide?

Guy: Ya.

It's dumb. In most occasions, such gathering would have been pre-planned and how can it be so last min, oh meet up den decide? Gal felt something is amiss and checked Guy's email. She can feel her heart sank n went all cold by what she saw. She saw a movie booking confirmation for 2 tickets. She wanted to give him another chance to come clean. So she called him.

Gal: Where r u now?

Guy: Dhoby Guat.

Gal: Oh u meeting them there?

Guy: Ya.

Gal: So how many of u meeting?

Guy: 3 or 4 ba.

Gal: Oh really? So have u all decided where for dinner?

Guy: Dunno yet.

Gal: So u gng to catch a movie b4 that?

Guy: No.

Gal: I'm sorry that I checked your email. But I saw ur booking confirmation for 2 tickets.

Guy: Ok yes, I'm not meeting my sec sch frens. I'm meeting XXX.

Gal: If u r meeting XXX den why did u lie?

Guy: I'm afraid u'll feel uncomfortable abt it.

Gal: I'm perfectly fine with u meeting up with her. I'm totally pissed tat u lied. It's not as if I dunno her too.

Guy: I dun wan u to feel uncomfortable abt me meeting her. And why did u check my email?

Gal: I felt something is not right so I checked. I believe in my 6th sense. I'm sorry tat I did. But if u didn't lie would I have done it? Though saying the truth may hurt at times, by lying is even worse when found out.

Guy: Give me my privacy. If not, u'll nv see me again.

Ok, the gal is at fault for intruding into the guy's privacy but if he come clean with her, she dun hav to feel uneasy abt it. Both were at fault. But guys, if u wan ur gal to trust u, u have to be truthful in the first place. If u 'spoilt market' on ur own n cause ur gal to be suspicious of u all the time, well, u asked for it. Dun get pissed when she dun believe u when u tell the truth. U were the one who broke the trust she had in u in the first place.

Neglected

It's been months since I last updated. In May. Gosh. That's how long I have been neglecting my blog n my readers :( These few months has been REALLY ups and downs for me. BF (shld be ex-BF) brought me to heaven and thrown me into hell. It hurts so much I think it can nv recover. At least for now I feel so...

ex-BF din like me to blog abt stuff abt us. Esp those times when we quarrel n have disputes. He thinks that it's something between the 2 of us, he dun wanna share or tell anyone abt it. So he broke up with me, he says he cant be bothered with how others think of his actions and he dun wanna tell anyone abt it. He juz wants me to understand why he left. It's not bcos he dun love me anymore, he felt tat it's for the better for me. Whatever it is, we are still frens now. See how things go ba. 要看开一点.

Being single again, made me realised how much I missed my family and frens. I needed the time for myself, my family n my frens. Well, it's not too bad a thing after all ba :)

8 simple ways to stay connected after sex

Extracted this from MSN... Would like to share this with my readers :) Try it out tonight with your partner! *wink*

By Marlina Azmi, MSN, 19/05/2010

Think hard about what you and your guy usually do after sex. Chances are, it's either sleep, eat, or flip TV channels. Not exactly romantic, especially considering that the few hours afterward are one of the best times to bond. According to American clinical sexologist, Rachael Ross, MD, PhD, "When you orgasm, hormones are released that make you feel more connected. Take advantage of that by doing things to prolong the feeling."

But please don't think it means doing something corny like having intense conversations or eye gazing. Little gestures can bring you big benefits. Try these tips tonight and we guarantee you won't regret it.

After the Big 'O'

Don't let the fun end the second you've finished the 'deed'. Since you've done such a good job getting each other all hot and bothered, wash the sweat off with a nice hot shower. Not only does it get the two of you squeaky-clean, the warm water keeps your body temp at the level it was while you were having sex. This lets you feel a little more energized (not wide awake, just energized) which leads to a little pillow talk session before drifting into a blissful sleep.

Sexy snacks

If you're hungry, forgo calling up McDonald's and break out red wine and cheese instead. It will continue the sensual vibe you had going, and the antioxidants in the vino will increase blood flow, relaxing the both of you.

Massaging moments

Upgrade your usual post-sex shower by giving each other neck rubs. The bonding hormones oxytocin and prolactin that are released when you climax are also triggered by touch, so the massage will extend the feelings of closeness.

Leave the world behind you

Before you get busy, turn off anything with an on button, like your mobile phones, computers and TV. That way, the only thing you'll be plugged into afterward is each other, not your Facebook news feed or Twitter.

Do not roll over

Instead of rolling over once the action is done, drape one of your legs over his and rest your hands on his chest. It will keep you connected without doing the spooning thing.

The emergency leave

Play hooky and call in sick after your romp. Having to leave ASAP, whether it's to meet a friend for brunch or attend your can't-miss yoga class, is a total mood killer. Reschedule your plans, and enjoy a leisurely hour or two of doing nothing together in bed.

Music matters

Set your iPod to that romantic playlist you saved. Choose tunes that remind you of your favourite moments together (like a concert you went to). Just listening to them will make the both of you feel closer without having to say a word to each other.

Reserve strip session

Reverse-strip each other. Slowly button his shirt, and let him zip up your skirt. Dressing each other is super intimate since it taps in to the primal instinct to 'groom' your mate.

Print this out, download in ur iphone, watever.... dun neglect the special bonding session with the one you love :D

看了这篇文章再去爱吧...

爱情是追到手的吗？

不是。真正的感情根本不需要追的。

两个人的默契，在慢慢将两颗心的距离缩短，在无意识中渐渐靠近彼此。

从好朋友到情人，真正的感情是用不了多久的。

从你喜欢上他的那一刻起，也许他也在那一刻喜欢上了你。


同节奏的爱情往往能奏出最和谐最动听的乐章。

真正的爱情需要什么？需要两个人在一起是轻松快乐的，没有压力。

爱一个人就是毫无保留地付出吗？
不是。

每一个人都是一个独立的人，我们首先是属于自己的，

我们有思想，我们有个性，而不是把我们的全部都给对方。

我们可以有保留，比如你不愿意说的隐私，有秘密的人才是成熟的，不是吗？

有时候不说出来反而更好。


外貌和个性哪个更重要？
男人年轻的时候往往喜欢漂亮的女子，

25岁以后，会选择和自己性格合适的女子，能和自己一起过日子的人。

喜欢一个人，太急切了，反而不好。

一是因为越想得到的越得不到；

二是得到了也很难珍惜，来得快去得也快。

细水长流一些，爱情会更长久。


相爱容易相处难。

相处中最重要的是宽容和妥协，在信任和了解的基础上。

没有宽容和妥协，任何两个人都无法相处。


纯纯的爱也许只有一次，但是真爱未必只有一次。
时间会抚平一切伤痕。


我们其实是可以爱上很多人的。

我们不是喜欢某个人，而是喜欢某种类型的人。


先来的人和我们相遇了，于是我们幸福地走到了一起；

对于后到的人，只能抱以歉意，同时，祝福他早日找到属于他自己的幸福。


没有谁是我们一生非拥有不可的，

爱一个人，很多时候实际上是习惯了这个人 。



现实和浪漫哪个更重要？
现实。

没有现实为基础，浪漫就是空中楼阁。

大学校园的爱情往往随着毕业而告终，大多是因为不现实，不在一个城市。

只有相互欣赏相互佩服各有所长的人，

才会碰撞出最美丽的火花，也才会结出最甜美的爱情果实。


分手后我们还可以做朋友吗？
最好不要。

剪不断，理还乱。

过去了就过去了，我们不是生活在过去，而是现在。

爱情不等于生活，只是生活的一部分。


不要因为自己长相不如对方而放弃追求的打算，

长相只是一时的印象，真正决定能否结合主要取决于双方的性格。

帅哥配丑女，丑女配帅哥的太多了。


恋爱的时间能长尽量长。

这最少有两点好处：

一，充分、尽可能长的享受恋爱的愉悦，

二，两人相处时间越长，越能检验彼此是否真心，越能看出两人性格是否合得来。

想知道一个人爱不爱你，就看他和你在一起有没有活力，

开不开心，有就是爱，没有就是不爱爱情不是感动，

你不是他心目中的理想伴侣，即使一时接受你，

将来碰上他心仪的那一位，一样会离开你。


有些人情绪容易大起大落，这样的人是很难维持一段长久的关系的。

浪漫是什么？
是送花？雨中漫步？楼前伫立不去？

如果两人彼此倾心相爱，什么事都不做，静静相对都会感觉是浪漫的。

否则，即使两人坐到月亮上拍拖，也是感觉不到浪漫的。


是否门当户对不要紧，最重要应该是兴当趣对，不然没有共同语言，

即使在一起，仍然会感觉到孤独。


持久的爱情源于彼此发自内心的真爱，建立在平等的基础之上。

任何只顾疯狂爱人而不顾自己有否被爱，

或是只顾享受被爱而不知真心爱人的人都不会有好的结局。


爱情既是风险投资，难免有去无回，失恋是再正常不过的事情。

爱过，就够了。

既然不能在一起，总有不能在一起的理由。

不能因为别人负了你，就不负责任地游戏、报复或是堕落，

自己演的戏，总要自己收场的。


何况，他不爱你，你做什么他都不会在乎。
如果爱上，就不要轻易放过机会。

莽撞，可能使你后悔一阵子；

怯懦，却可能使你一辈子后悔。


没有经历过爱情的人生是不完整的，没有经历过痛苦的爱情是不深刻的。

爱情使人生丰富，痛苦使爱情升华。


你可能习惯与现在的恋人，

明明不太喜欢，但在一起久了，习惯使人不太愿做新的选择。


人生会面临无数次选择。

当给你机会选择时，你一定要谨慎；

一旦你做出了选择，就永远不要后悔；

拿得起，放得下，该断则断，该忘记的，就把它忘记；

该珍惜的，就要把它珍惜

我们总说：“我要找一个很爱很爱的人，才会谈恋爱。”

但是当对方问你，怎样才算是很爱很爱的时候，你却无法回答他，

因为你自己也不知道。


没错，我们总是以为，我们会找到一个自己很爱很爱的人。

可是后来，当我们猛然回首，我们才会发觉自己曾经多么天真。

假如从来没有开始，你怎么知道自己会不会很爱很爱那个人呢？


其实，很爱很爱的感觉，是要在一起经历了许多事情之后才会发现的。

或许每个人都希望能够找到自己心目中百分之百的伴侣，

但是你有没有想过，在你身边会不会早已经有人默默对你付出很久了，

只是你没有发觉而已呢？


所以，还是仔细看看身边的人吧，他或许已经等你很久了。

当你爱一个人的时候，爱到八分绝对刚刚好。

所有的期待和希望都只有七八分，剩下两三分用来爱自己。

如果你还继续爱得更多，很可能会给对方沉重的压力，让彼此喘不过气来，

完全丧失了爱情的乐趣。


所以请记住，喝酒不要超过六分醉，吃饭不要超过七分饱，爱一个人不要超过八分。

如果你也正在为爱迷惘，

或许下面这段话可以给你一些启示：

爱一个人，要了解也要开解；

要道歉也要道谢；要认错也要改错；

要体贴也要体谅；是接受而不是忍受；

是宽容而不是纵容；是支持而不是支配；

是慰问而不是质问；是倾诉而不是控诉；

是难忘而不是遗忘；是彼此交流而不是凡事交代；

是为对方默默祈求而不是向对方诸多要求。


可以浪漫，但不要浪费，不要随便牵手，更不要随便放手。


浪漫的人这样描述与爱人的相逢：

千万人当中，在时间的无涯的荒野里，没有早一步，也没 有晚一步，刚巧赶上了。


两个人好着的时候，你不妨就这样想吧。

如果不好了，你要明白是否和某人在一起，不过是一个再简单不过的概率问题。

数千个擦肩而过中，你给谁机会谁就和你有缘分，纵没有甲，也会有乙。


别傻等那种想像中的木石前盟般的缘分了，生活中哪有那么多传奇。


别醒着做梦了，难道你忘了艺术虽然来源生活，却还高于生活吗

xxx

Got the above extract from someone's FB notes. I find it rather meaningful hence would like to share with my readers :) Hope u'll gain some light from it. Cheers!

爱心 plaster!

Sometimes, my silly baby really surprises me, pleasantly of cos :D I cut my finger at gym on Sat. And he gave me a 爱心 plaster =D This is soooooo sweet isn't it? It's really out of my expectation. Something which I nv imagined he wld do. But he did and I'm feeling sugary inside.

Aww... I heart my darling....

He put the plaster for me :) He sux at putting the plaster cos it was too loose. It came off in the morning. hahaha... he's really the sweetest. What more can I ask for?

We had been through a really rough patch lately but everything's fine now. We talked abt it and made the promise. I'm a happy, blissful ger now :D

Baby, I know dun openly show ur affection but I do. hee =D

I Love U MANY MANY ah!!! MUACKZ!

New PC!!

YAY!! Finally got myself a new PC after soooo long!! My lappy really shld be gone long long time ago. A big BIG Thank You to my dearest mummy cos she sponsored me the PC. Hee =D Super happy!!! Was on my comp until 4am in the morning and I woke up at 9am to cont exploring my new comp!! I'm so glued to it now!! LOL~

Downloaded the trial version of Power Director 8. WOW! It's GOOOOOOOD stuff!! I wanna get the original!! Here's what I've come out wif juz a few minutes wif the prog!! Not to mention, it has an option to directly upload to FB once you complete the video!! DOUBLE WOW!!

If I were a boy...

My frens used to say tat if I'm born a guy, I wld be the 现代韦小宝. Being sensitive, romantic, gentle... Everything most girls wanted in their guy? LOL~

Keith Kor came back from Thailand but he left his heart there. haha.. With a Thai little girl who is 10 yrs his junior. She looks really sweet, gentle and innocent in the pics :) I like her immediately I saw her (although juz her pics). So I gave Kor the crazy idea of sending the pics to her. It's not juz sending the pic alone, I asked him to buy a nice little frame and send it over with the photo. How sweet isn't it? So he asked for her address from her cousin, Aiko. She was kinda anxious as she smses Aiko TWICE and called her countless times to make sure Aiko got the address. So silly tat makes me like her even more. Of cos, my stupid Kor hear liao there "暗爽"...

The address looks a bit alien to us and we wonders will the parcel reach her safe n sound. So I suggested getting her a card to "test water". Also, she'd be expecting something from him. After she receives the card, never will she expect she'll be receiving the parcel following it! Girls love surprises dun we? Bcos of my idea, I hav to accom Kor to get the card during lunch yest. He dunno wat to get. He dun wan to 'scare' her off by sending something too .... He wanted something more neutral. So I suggested sending her a Thank You card. To thank her for the hospitality while he was at Thailand. I think it's brilliant. Hee =D Baobei was there with us too. He asked why sending her a card? Is it her bday? We told him no. I told him, no need for a reason to give someone a card! He's such a blockhead! Even if it's bday I will oso not get a card from this silly blockhead lah. (Still feeling 'unbalanced' over Vday issue...)

I dunno why we were on this topic again last nite when Baobei sent me home. I only rem he mentioned something abt if it was him, he wld juz send a photo over. I told him tat was the initial plan! To send the photo over tgt with a nice, beautiful frame. He said that for him, he would juz send the photo over. Maybe with some words behind... =.=" See? This is my blockhead baby. So I told him, "Need to put in more effort de lah! Frame it up with a nice nice frame and send it over! The one receiving will be so happy lo! That's call 有心! Also, you dun need an occasion to give presents or cards. Little surprises like these are so sweet!"

"I know lah. You are hinting me rite?" he chuckled.

"No, I'm not..." (这是明示,不是暗示! 你这个笨蛋!)

***

I finally bought my Longchamp bag!!! After contemplating for sooooo long!! Hee =D AT gave me a $20 dicount voucher for the bag. So I went ahead to get it! No more procrastinating! Yes, I'm super broke now... But I'm a happy broker! hahahah...

In the end, I bought this.... Baobei chose it for me cos i'm too indecisive on the colours!!

I wish for you to be happy...

A chain of unhappy events happened lately and I think I'm the cause of it all? Cos I mind too much abt the past and emo over silly things... but in a way, I got to know more things which is really sweet....

The recently incident involved a f*cking bear (which is on my most hated list). He bought it for his ex yrs ago when they were tgt. I told him I feel uneasy seeing the bear and I dun like it. So he kept it somewhere. But still, I dun like the idea tat he still keeps it! So I wanted him to get rid of it. Den his way of getting rid of it was to keep it somewhere out of my sight. But he suay suay kanna seen by me when I was looking for a box to store my stuff. I juz felt like tearing it apart into a million pieces. But I din. I asked him why. He told me that he seems to hav a special affiliation with it. It's like a fren to him. A fren which doesn't speak. But how to expect me to accept that? When I clearly knows what kind of history tat piece of junk has and the kind of memories he shared with her n tat trash. Of cos I was really furious and upset. He even wanted me to be understanding towards him keeping the damn thing. No way I can accept it. I swear I will tear it apart n burn it. He threw it away unwillingly. So unwillingly. It juz made me even furious. The anger I had was difficult to control. It's so difficult for him to part with it, so will it be easier for him to part with me den? It's silly to compare myself with a god damn f*cking non-living thing. But how humiliating it is to feel less treasured than it? So I went into disappearing act for a day. I suspended my FB account and went into hiding. Ignoring his calls n smses. It was to make him feel the hurt. So which is more unbearable? But am I any better off when I clearly know I still love him and want to be wif him more than anything else. So I played a little 'game' with him. I told him if he can appear before me by a stated time, I'll give him another chance.

He was late. But I waited. I know he'll appear. He did. 15 min late.

After some arguments, blah blah blah.... we kissed and make up. He told me something which really touches me.

"Next time when you get angry with me, can you think of why you fall in love with me in the first place? Cos I do that everytime."

Everytime he got angry with me, it would be for the split second. He'll always gets gentle cos he thut of why he loves me in the first place? And got he all softened....

This morning I reactivated my FB and saw his posting,

"Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars? I could really use a wish now.."

I asked him wat he would wish for. He said,

"wish for my bao bei to be happy with me!"

It's really sweet. It melts my heart. I'm such a silly girl.....

Mini Surprise :)

I have learnt to appreciate the little things he has done for me n not upset over the things he did not do.

I would get upset when I wished that he could do certain things for me but he didn't. I secretly wish for it but it never happened. Den I get upset. Kinda dumb. Cos if I wish silently, he'll never know what I want. Though he can read my mind most of the time. But not every time n everything!

He's not the kind who will plan little surprise on special occasions like Valentine's Day, Christmas, etc... So instead of feeling upset n emo over the fact that he did nothing, I took the initiative n gave him a little lunch surprise. Took him to 大长今 for Korean food during lunch today :) Glad that he loves the food there :D

So coincidentally, the waiter gave us a little private room. So I told Baobei I specially book a room for him. Hahaha~

Even the cups got the restaurant name. Since we were in a private room, no need to feel paiseh when camwhoring. heehee =D

Even the little plates have the name....

The sides.... They are refillable. It used to have more last time but now is so much lesser :( Baobei loves the mash potatoes and asked for 2nd serving!

I ordered the spicy beef soup set. Baobei commented saying the soup is very nice. Got the sweetness of the beef and the beef is very tender. Thumbs up!!

Baobei's bibimbab (is it spelt this way?) I wanted to order this too de. But I let him have it and ordered the soup. Lucky the soup is nice. Hahaha!! This is not bad too!! yummy!! heehee...

After dinner they served us plum juice drink. It doesn't taste like the normal plum drink. It taste really great after a heavy meal. Make me feel less bloated :P But my belt still feels tight after lunch!!! Hahaha!

Of cos must take one nice nice pic with my Baobei!!! It has really been a lovely 6 months together. I'm blessed to have him in my life and I am thankful for that :)

I Love You!

HAPPY 6TH MONTH!!

Time flies. It has been 6 months since the day he asked me to be his gf. It was on bus 65. So-not-romantic =.= I believe all my readers already know my blockhead dumb dumb bf is an unromantic 笨蛋. Like every other couple, we have our share of quarrels and lovey-dovey moments. After every quarrel, we wld not remember what we quarrel abt after we kiss n make up.

This 笨蛋 reads my mind most of the time. His hugs are so warm and comfortable tat I din wanna break free from his arms. His kisses are so addictive, I have to force myself to pull away otherwise we'll never stop. These 6 months spent wif him was truly wonder and heavenly. Of cos nothing is perfect but he's my beautiful imperfection. I grumble n whine abt the things I wished he could hav done for me. But I still love him the same. Sometimes he makes me angry but I always forgive this silly baby of mine. He gets angry wif me too but he will cool off very fast. He cnt bear to be angry wif me for too long :P

He always tell me that everything happens for a reason and everything is a beautiful setup. Although you feel tat heaven is being unfair for making u go thr this shit now but actually it's the beginning of something beautiful.

I love my ben dan, darling, precious, silly, baobei, baby dear! Happy 6th month n more to come :D

No Motivation = No Energy

I need motivation. I pull me through each working day and get my work done. Which I have not been doing so for quite awhile. The volcano is going to explode anything (soon).

Was scheduled for a 2nd interview yesterday but I have to conduct an external briefing so I informed the organisation I was unable to go for the interview. I thut they will reschedule a day for me but since last Tue they called me until now, no news. The worst part, something stupid cock up for the external briefing. It was suppose to be Malay session yest. I am suppose to do the Mandarin session which is today. Koaz. If bcos of this idiotic messed up n I lose my opportunity of gng for the 2nd interview, really bo hua lo. I try to be responsible but looks like it's not being rewarded :( Need to slack n do nothing den Lady Luck will follow me? Bleah.

I'm still being hopeful they will call me up for the interview. However the wait can be rather torturing :(

Kinda getting to love this new blogskin. Or u can say I lazy! Hahaha.... Well, it doesn't look tat bad isn't it? Hee =D

Baobei's having high fever since yest :( Suppose to got gym tgt yest but end up I went myself. Rented Hangover wanna watch tgt at his pl but halfway thr the DVD player spoilt! Today arranged to go SDC to watch Clash of the Titans (3D) but poor baobei still having fever so cancelled and brought him to see doc. He's still burning hot :( Really hope he can recover real soon...

5th Year Anniversary

Today marks my 5th year anniversary working here. It's oso April Fool's Day. Wat a joke. A lot of things are running through my mind now. Where shall I start? Pls pardon me if this post gets too random for my readers to catch....

My first diving experience was really wonderful! It's really difficult to describe the kind of underwater feeling. You see on National Geographic all those schools of fishes, corals, etc, now it's happening all ard me. How amazing! One will not be able to understand it if you are not a diver. Photos/videos will not be able to truly capture the kind of experience. How those fishes swam ard u. Getting so close to them n being 17.3m underwater. Beautiful. Really beautiful. I love diving is not bcos of him. So stop saying I dive bcos he loves diving.

It was really disappointing and upsetting tat we were unable to dive tgt at Aur. Your cylinder 'o' ring burst n had to surface. We din get to dive hand-in-hand. In fact, disappointment is an understatement. Dun tell me it's not advisable to hold hands while diving. If I can hold my buddy's hand thr'out the dive, why cant u hold mine? (I held on to my buddy cos he kept floating up... I need to prevent him from floating away...) If u can hold her hand to dive, why not mine?

Many times I tried to tell u abt how I feel toward certain stuff but u always understand it different from mine. I feel tat it's redundant to say it cos u'll not get the real meaning n understand. Men n women juz think differently. If u cant comprehend, juz accept. Certain articles I show u is to hint to u how i feel n tat how i felt but u read it juz w/o a thut. U ask me to talk to u but if u cnt understand it onli makes me feel more frustrated. I need you to be more proactive. But u remain passive. Act onli upon being told. Wat's the point? Does it mean anything if the action was done upon request? To me, it doesn't mean anything. In fact, it's on a negative scale.

Simple

Changed a new blogskin... office server super slow n it took me super long to change my blogskin to the current look. Let it stay this way for the time being. Edit to make it look nicer when I got the time at home. Office dun have Photoshop n super slow internet connection, I got so pissed editing it. ARGH! At least it looks passable now lah. Juz now was totally cui. Alignment off, colour all wrong... Definitely can be better!!

Tml will be on half day leave n off to Pulau Aur! Totally no mood to work. Though it's month end n I have accumulated mountain.... Heck... Bo Chap!

爱情不能做比较

很多人都会犯的通病
在爱情里做比较
也许现在的他她比以前那个他她会逗你笑
也许刚出现的他她比现在这个他她会照顾你
到底如何衡量呢?

又或者是他她好象比较疼他她以前那个他她
自己又好象比不上他她以前那个他她
吃以前那个他她的醋
为什么他她有的我没有
要如何分清谁多谁少呢?

比较后会更快乐吗?
会有你想要的结果吗?
还是会更难过呢?

不会有胜利者的比较
自寻烦恼
钻牛角尖
到最后得到了什么
一颗疲惫的心

"U" turn trip

My dive trip to Pulau Aur was postponed to this coming weekend instead :( Due to the heavy rain and thunderstorm, we were forced to make a U-turn and come back to SG. Sigh. Nevertheless, the 19hrs road+sea trip was still as happening. Hee =D

Filling up the forms before we board the bus. Everyone was so excited!!!

On the bus! YAY!!!

We crossed the customs and started taking pics... opps... photo-taking is not allowed there!!!

On board the board heading to Aur. No make-up... cui!

The boat was leaking and flooded my bed in the middle of the nite :( We cant slp at all and my hair all wet! Baobei has to give up his space n allow me to slp. I was feeling seasick and if I dun slp, I will start throwing up liao :( He ended up sitting on the walkway 'meditating'. Poor baby. Thanks for being so sweet! Little acts like this simply melts the heart. At least compensated the fact that he's not a romantic romeo ;p I realli appreciate it!

After the long hrs of travelling... damn shagged....

Feeling uber disappointed abt not getting to dive as scheduled but it's ok lah, at least I hav something to look forward to again this weekend? kekeke... Pls no more rain hor!!! Sunny days pls!!! I rather become a roasted pig!!

xxx

This morning I have a 'shocked' of my life. How can someone be so greedy?? I was walking up the stairs from the MRT platform when a lady's exlink card dropped. I was on the phone n my other hand was full too. I tried to pick up the card n return to her but a guy dashed from behind me n picked up the card. I thut he was so nice n reacted so fast! But to my horror, he took the card n kept it!!! WTF!! The lady realised she had dropped her card n went searching for it. I tried to look for the guy but he was gone. I juz stood there in shocked! I shld hav reacted faster... Early morning, reaction a bit retard... I simply cnt believe it! How can someone be so greedy?? TMD!

Empty Promises

今年的升级名单我又名落孙山了 :( My boss dun even have the balls to come and talk to me abt it. WTH! He can onli ask the colleague next to me how am I. WTF! Giving me empty promises year after year and it's not as though there's no chance for promotion, you juz didn't keep ur promise to make it happened. 我可不是省油的灯. Instead of staying here and wait for things to happened, I've taken steps to make things happen. The colleagues here are wonderful but the work sux. Work sux nvm, but boss is blind or onli see what they wan to see? The motivation to stay on is pratically ZERO. They tink I will not leave? I would. Juz a matter of time n opportunity. Waiting for the right time, right moment and 'poof' off I go... I'm not indispensable but I make a difference....

Is that me?

Best creation for ladies, Makeup, at least to me. Since Uni days, I will not step out of the hse w/o makeup. Cos I look like ghost with the dark eye circles. I will at least put loose powder n draw my eyebrows. Yes, my eyebrows has to be drawn, otherwise it's like shit! U'll know when u see me w/o makeup...

Anyway, attended a wedding dinner on Sat nite n I was too free until I went to curl n style my hair. LOL~ I tink this pics is really nice :D my intention wasn't to upload this pic but the next one is gonne look like ghost so uploaded this to compensate a bit. haha! Yes, i'm an artificial beauty, only looks good when wif makeup :( AT LEAST I still can be mei mei when I put on makeup..... ;p

Had my Open Water Diving (OWD) theory n test on Fri nite. Today was the pool session. This is me, looking totally 'CUI'!

Didn't want to upload this pic cos I looked God-Damn-Fucking-UGLY here :( but this is the only pic i have now to upload....

Had lots of fun in the pool today but I was feeling a little bit scared... I choked while clearing mask for the first time n I kept wanting to use my nose to breathe. Being unable to breathe thr my nose makes me feel suffocating :( But towards the end of the lessons, I kinda got used to it but still feel a bit uncomfortable. Now is onli in the pool, can emerge anytime but if out in the sea, underwater for 18m how to 'pop' my head outta water n breathe thr my nose? This is e only challenge I need to overcome. It's not a joking or fun matter. Can die de. I get panicky when my nose 'suck' in water n started choking n coughing :( Hopefully wed session will be better :D

Botanical Gardens

It's one of those few occassions I will bring my G7 out for some phototaking. It's too heavy lah. Ok, actually is I'm lazy ;p Was in the mood for some photography on Sun so brought it out to camwhore!

Love the effect.

I tink this is nice :D Purely camera effect. No photoshop!

Trying to be irritating here...

Beautiful nature with drying up lake :(

Spotted!

Aww... isn't it cute??

The turtle looks rather fierce here...

Bird loves bread too!

It becomes like a toxicated flower after I reverse the colours.....

Plain white bread.

Trying to be artistic...

Flopped...

Tried again... erm better but the model not so natural....

Love this too!

So hot n dry...

Beautiful swans.

Trying to take artistic photos again.

National Geographic photographer wannabe...

It's snowing white bread!

The fishes love it!

It's all gone in 60 sec!

Usu guys are the photographer n they use their gfs as models n u see alot of their gfs in the pics... But for me, it's e reversal. LOL~

Quite like some of the pics taken. My G7 is GOOOOOOOD! Apart from the weight n size, it's a pretty gd camera :D