Was feeling emo AGAIN! Maybe Mid-Autumn is coming. Tat's why.... :( I still miss HIM. If I say I dun, then I'm lying. He said he's happier now. So my company was not that impt after all. Asking all those qns, knowing the ans will hurt me more but I still wan to know. How many times I need to bang my head against the wall then cn wake up? I see ppl with the same prob but still managed to overcome it and start afresh but why we cnt? Is it bcos he din love me tat much to begin with?

We met again after 8yrs. I was broken hearted by my then bf who went MIA. Being thr so many failed r/s, I felt like giving up. Then he came into my life and vowed to fixed my broken heart. He did so much to fix it and now, he shattered it into even more broken pieces. He made me fall helplessly in love with him tat I cn give up eveything for him. I decided to marry him cos I wan to wake up wif him beside me. I wan to be the loving wife. But things din go as I imagined after marriage.

I left the home which I grew up in and moved in with him after we ROM. I cried on the first nite I was there. He said he'll be there for me so no need to be scared. Though we see each other everyday, the love level seems to be dropping instead. We were spending quantity time together but not quality. When was the last time we went picnic together? Our outings kept being postponed and till it nv happened.

He tinks tat being neglected is not a big issue. Tat kind of thinking is obviously very very wrong. He oso said tat it's ok to go out wif gers alone n not tell me abt it. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH TAT AS LONG AS I DIN DO ANYTHING WIF HER. I beg to differ. Man is made of flesh n blood n emotions. If u spend lots of quality time wif this person, emotions will develop. It's not something u cn control. He said she's not interested in him. How cn tat be? If a guy asked a ger out and she agrees to it everytime, it's impossible to say tat this ger shows no interest in tat guy. He said my logic doesn't stand, well, I'm a ger, I noe how a ger tinks. If she onli treats u as a fren, she will not agreed to ur every invitation. Such a B*TCH. Realli feel like slapping her.

He said if they ever get emotionally attached then it's destiny. Well, dun he find it a mockery? When he IS angry over my emotional attachment to one of my guy fren. So it's ok for him n not ok for me? Wld I have taken e wrong step if he din neglect me despite all my complaints abt it? He din do anything to sustain the marriage how cn he blame someone from straying from the path? Come on, we all know it takes 2 hands to clap. If he had made e effort to spend more time wif me n not let me be alone, wld I need to go ard asking frens out to accompany me? So happened tat this guy fren of mine was avaliable everytime. (Juz like wat he said, "She happened to be available when I wanted to go watch e movie." But when I asked him whether he wanna watch it, he told me he din even thut of watching it at all!) If he had e time for others why not me? So frens are more impt than e wife which he self proclaimed to had loved so dearly?

He alleged tat I oso din put in efforts to sustain the marriage. In our 3 yrs of marriage, who initiated spending time together? Who's life is juz abt waiting for him? Who's time juz evolves ard him? Even my frens knows tat I onli hav time for them when he had lessons or not free. Where was he when I needed someone to hug n kiss me to give me emotional support?? When I complaint abt my work n how stressed out I am, I wasn't looking for a solution, I juz wanted his support. Is tat so difficult?

How cn a husband feel nothing n not ask anything when the wife comes back the next day at 7am? Not even a phonecall to ask where am I or wat time u'll be home? NONE! When I asked him why he din asked, wasn't he worried at all? He said he knows that I cn take care of myself. Wat if something realli did happened to me tat nite? He wld hav been e last to know of it ba.

The emotionally tortured I went thr. Wld he ever be able to understand? I doubt so. Love is not abt saying it out or doing it for ppl to see. It's a FEEL.

The MOST irritating is, after so much hurt I have had, I still miss him :( ARGH!!!

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Read Ivan dearie's blog and he wrote this:

You girls rock big time, ok!
Bimbos are just what we like to call you by.
Dearies are who you girls really are to us.
May you be blissful & happy in your own ways.
We do not let others determine how we want to be.
Neither being single or attached determine our happiness level.
Each day, we wake up, we should just say to ourselves, "Today, I choose to be HAPPY!"

I realli wan to be happy. I wan to laugh heartily again, without feeling e bitterness deep within.